Kellianne Beechly

Office Manager

Kellianne Beechly is a 27-year-old office manager with an unfortunate habit of road rage. She is strong willed and hardworking only because everyone else is weak and lazy. She enjoys long talks about Lord of the Rings, exceptionally anything Legolas.

She identifies as a straight-white-elf female. She has a degree in I’m-Smarter-Than-You-So-I-Did-Not-Take-Out-Tens-of-Thousands-of-Dollars-of-Student-Loans. She has a minor in Stop- Asking-Me-to-Pay-For-Your-Bad-Decisions. She is allergic to Eagle fans; and she is obsessed with Donald Trump’s twitter account.

Kellianne works as a part-time supermodel; but has physically taken a break for her newborn son, Brecken. She grew up in a working-class neighborhood in southern Oklahoma and still wonders why God hates her.

She is currently single if you are a billionaire looking for a side chick; but for all other men she is married to her baby’s father, Jon Parker. All billionaires may apply at except for Jerry Jones. She will consider Jerry’s application if he fires Jason Garrett.

Kellianne only accepts friends will boujee taste in memes.